nothing

This day didn't go so well. ME and my fiancée had once too many misunderstandings today. Sometimes, i just find it so hard to please her. Normally, we can go on watching our favorite downloaded shows for hours, anywhere, and still be happy. But today was different. I tried so hard, trying to figure out what is wrong. Sometimes, when she spends a lot of time at her Mom's place, she can be really hard to understand once she spends some time here at home. Saying that my place is dark - gives her headache, too many mosquitoes, the chairs make her skin itch, the pillows make her head ache and neck hurt, etc. I try to do everything I can for her to be ok, but most of the time, it's not enough.

We have planned for this weekend, 2 weeks ahead and still it did not turn out right. We went to People's Park in Tagaytay yesterday but got there at 6pm so it was closed. We didn't have chance to get to the peak. It was so foggy that the only pictures we took were blurry, dark pics. Today, we were supposed to go to Divisoria to buy some additions to our One Piece POP action figure collection. But I found out that we don't have money anymore so we stayed at home. Staying here, with my bro, sis and my dad really wasn't that enjoyable for her as I noticed everything to be so awkward. She didn't eat much, she just stared on the monitor as we were watching a film on my computer as if she was just waiting for it to finish. again, in the middle of the second film, she said her head aches and she needs medicine but she wont let me go to the store to buy some. She said she feels dizzy because of the smell of the cigarette smoke but she wants me to smoke beside her. It's like reverse psychology to the maximum level.

Still, assessing everything at the end of the day, with her, now sleeping upstairs, (probably waiting for me to bring the laptop up and do my ID there), it is all my fault.

If i knew a better place to go than Tagaytay. If I woke up and prepared early that we couldve got there earlier. If I only had a job and helped her with the expenses. Everything could have been fine. We wouldve still been happy, just as normal, and this day wouldn't have sucked. I cannot blame anyone else but me. The reason why I wrote here is because i felt a deep sadness when I saw my cousin's pics in Nuvali, Tagaytay and how I wished I could take my baby there.

chaos

so many things currently going on in my mind but I don't have the strength to write it all. I have been awake, literally for a week now (nah, not really. maybe I sleep 3 hours a day, max), and my whole body's shaking.
all i know is i hate to see my baby go to work every night, even though she clearly does not want to. All my fault, that if I only had a job, she'd be waiting for me at home, watching TV in our super comfy sofa set (pangarap**).
I want to get back in my game. not long from now, i will be back. And little by little, i will get these things.. I have my heart locked in to this.