Responsibility

Whoo! Been a while. Hmnn.. quite a lot of things happened since my last post. And still most of them are not that promising. Got quite fond of Glee, my baby and I. It's OK. All about the life of kids in high school and some grown ups. there's a few things you can pick up. some lessons. kinda learned to treat everything as a learning experience, even when watching Glee. Its refreshing, and made only better because my baby likes it too.

Well, right now, I am truly, 100% a believer (not because of Glee). I now try to be positive in every way I can. And I am starting to take 100% responsibility of my life. In my past blogs, all I did was whine, and vent out all the bad things that happened to my life. Blaming people everywhere, blaming certain circumstances and the fact that I live in the Philippines. Also, blaming the fact that I wasn't able to finish college.

These past few days awakened me from the loser that I was and how to move on with my life for the better.
Right now, I am starting to focus on the things that I do have, rather than the things that I don't and be thankful for them. I always wanted to be an Inspirational speaker, but how could I do it if I am not inspired myself? SO I have to stay positive.

Staying positive is hard when you're surrounded by people so tied up with the consequences of this and that, mainly fed to them by the environment that they are in. Paradigms that are fed to our brains because of what we thought of what is and what are. But how can we escape it if we experienced it? If ever I learned anything, I learned it through experience. And if ever i were to teach something, the things that I teach will also come from experience. Experience is the best teacher, so they say. but thoughts and paradigms, people's basis for what is and what should be, - come from experience. And so now, It is so hard to shift a mindset from something that we have lived through in the past, because we know it happened. It is like fighting human nature.

So that was drifting further away from the topic... going back, I quit from SPi. Again. Doing my best to stop blaming other people for things that happened to my life, I will say, I quit because, for some reason, despite of all of the reasons that I need money, and all of my love for teaching and training, I felt that it was really not for me. Working in SPi was not for me. I was not happy. So I quit. Selfish, I know, in many ways, abnormal, anyone who I will talk to about this would say, "having a job is better than no job at all" or "you are only a high school graduate, James. You are not in the position to be choosey". or "the longer it takes you to have a job, the harder it gets". Those are all true. To their paradigm. True to their beliefs. True to what they have experienced. True to what is currently going on with my life.

But I say, no. If I am not happy, to hell with it. Something better is coming this way. I know it like I know. And I will do great on that job, and I will skyrocket to the top because, it will be the right one for me. I have always stood up for my beliefs. My feelings. And my baby knows that - because I stood up for her many times before. My whole family, (except for my brother John), looked at me with shame and never talked to me. And now, it is happening again. I have been jobless for a year now, and now that I had a chance to be a corporate trainer, I quit after a week.  So i think that even you, reading this would say a lot of reasons as to why I SHOULD HAVE NOT QUIT, but I don't care. Because if I didn't quit, I would have not been ready for the best thing that is coming soon. What that is, I still don't know. (By know you must probably think I'm crazy). I will stand for what I believe in. What I feel. If not, I will just be anyone else in this country, any other employee you see on the streets. (but that's the way life is, you say? you;re wrong.)

My baby is at work, and she doesn't want to. And every time she goes to work, my heart breaks. I just want her to be at home, watching TV or surfing the net, or enjoying the luxury of our bed or eating like a hungry bear in front of the open fridge. And with that situation, I want to change it and I will. Not by becoming a glorified yaya for the training manager which they call in SPi, the training specialist, but by becoming what I really am destined for.

Right now, I make the most out of my unemployment, studying more on photoshop, flash, inDesign, fireworks, illustrator, soundbooth, anime studio, reading all the books i can possible read, studying the courses that I will someday roll out as the best leadership development trainer there is.

Everything happens for a reason. And my reason is to be great. What ever comes in the next few days is a mystery but I am sure they will be all for me. I am sure that SOON, i will be discovered. I will rise and I will change the world, looking back to the early postings on this blog, how I was such a baloney, all throughout my 27 years of existence, I will look back. And inspire the world.

I love you so much baby. Just hold on. Just a bit longer.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars. - Les Brown

Hate

Back from a long day with my baby. She just got her 2nd pay from working as a Medical Billing Specialist in the great SPi Global in Paranaque.

For a whole cut off with one regular holiday (double pay), she got 8k. Not really sure why, but it was ok. I mean, cut 15k (her monthly basic) + 10% night differential, minus the horrible Philippine tax, it should be as low as 7k max, not bad.

It really sucks to know that you are trapped in a awful and corrupt 3rd world country where the money that you earn will not get you through anything, considering the transportation fees and the other bills you need to pay for an average citizen. Well, she got 8k right? She gave 2,500 to her mom, bought MY family a few meals, took me out to Robinson's Imus. At the mall, we bought a few necessities, like cotton buds, feminine pads, a small bottle of shampoo, soap, etc. That's it. No clothes, no fancy stuff. And what was left was 2,500php, our budget for transpo and food til she gets her next paycheck. By the way, I decided to take the offer in the same company she works for, regardless of how stupid and one-sided the deal was (refer to my past blogs) because I can't stand to be left alone with my dad here at home and I need money to pay for the internet.

My baby is sleeping upstairs. Hurt of the fact that after excitedly wanting to buy my folks at home a whole chicken for dinner, they all went to sleep upstairs. Except for my brother John.

This post is not enough to express to anger and hate I feel for them doing that to her.

She never did anything wrong to them.

But right now, all we want is to save enough money to afford to rent a place somewhere. But with my 18k and her 15k per month, how long will it take before we move out? I don't know. When we were at the mall, we were happy. And because of what happened, the black clouds are back.

There have been a lot of wrong things that I did in the past, a lot of wrong decisions that made me lose my job over and over again in a span of 6 months - making me and my fiance end up here in this shit hole, but I know better now. I love her too much for her to suffer, and I will do my best, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES, to be a better provider. Looking at a time when I will finally come back to a nice, cozy home, with and LED TV, and a WIFE, lovingly, waiting for me, without worrying of anyone else she has to please and get along with in the same house, but me.

IIt's just me... and a panda playing keys

My baby loves this for some weird reason... 




LYRICS:

It's just me
And a panda playing keys
And an elf
Puppets swaying
A tarsier's eyes a-widening

Adding new friends and sharing my pics
Level 10 mechas and sword-swinging chicks
LOL Cats versus our welterweight champion
Joining the mates and getting our grooves on

Rock and Roll! Aw!

Back

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.... This blog idea is great! Prevents me from totally going crazy. Great job, inventors of Blogger! Serves you right to be millionaires! Or billionaires, sorry (forgot that Blogger is owned by Google and so is Youtube). So anyway, funny thing is, I have been thinking of a million things to write but now, I cant seem to remember anything but this:



When you are so obsessed in getting rich, you kinda bite anything that you hear. It's like an act of desperation when all else fails. And then shortly, I saw this:



After then this: (is me)

If I remember what I want to write again, I'll be back.