it's 5:44am. been awake I can say, about 48 hours now. yesterday my brother woke me up after resting my eyes for 2 hours, him, coming from his wife's place in Pampangga, excited to talk about Magic the Gathering stuff. MTG, a card game. A friggin expensive card game. At least for someone who works as a damned call center agent in this damned country. Not to mention if you use your money to support people other than yourself. It's a card game that my brother and I used to play back in the 90's. For some reason, I had hell way better cards then than I have now, ironically, back in the 90's i was just a high school dork. Now, I'm just a fat dork. lost my job again last month. Don't wanna dwell on that too much. Today, I'm going to look for another job, hence, the start of the cycle again. Who ever invented this system on earth really sucks, I mean, you gotta work your ass off for the rest of your life until you get old just in order to make a living. But you know, I gotta think better now. I'm looking forward to landing any kinda job later, and I plan to do good at it. I'm getting older, u know. Haven't noticed, but i'm 28. and right now, as I write this, I'm still a bum. No progress-o.
tried to sleep, suddenly, out of no where, images of my dad flashed in my mind. couldn't shrug it off. it's like there is a force reminding me of everything that happened before he left. and in the hospital, he told me (whispering-ly, because he lost his voice on his last few days) to give his college friend who lives in the US a phone call and ask for financial assistance. hurt me a lot because it has been 4 months since that and I still haven't done what he asked me to do. considering that was the last thing HE wanted me to do for him. then I kept thinking of all of the things he asked me to do for him but because of my delays, i never really wasn't able to do it.
but i will. i must, coz if not, i will never be able to forgive myself.
