eggrolls

i suck.

i fucking hate myself.

i wish i could say that I wish I was fucking dead but it's still not that easy.

However, if no one would have to pay for my funeral, etc when I die, then I wish I was dead.

Right now, im physically sick, and it makes me more pathetic.

Regardless of my condition, still cant help to think how BIG of a FAILURE i am.

I immediately decided to upgrade my laptop by getting a loan for a 700php 1GB memory, now I can't pay for it and it will eventually boil down to asking money from "her".

I decided to lend my best friend 1k, which also then, came from "her".

I gave her a call today, she's really busy.. Maybe she doesn't know how depressed I am.

And I don't plan to let her know.

We spend roughly an hour to be together each day, and even if the time was longer than that, I'd just feel more ashamed of myself.

I can't die coz there will be huge expenses for my relatives left behind.

Ill fucking fight. But right now, im too weak.