Time Skip Update 4 - stricken

sadness just overwhelmed me.

i was just trying to clean up my computer of Gigs of temp files, registry, etc. restarted my computer and lighted a cigarette while waiting for the logon screen to show. I looked at my 32' LED Tv and looked around. I noticed the blinking of my cisco wifi modem and sorta thought - "man, we (bhear and I) are kinda making it. To think that 2 years ago, we had nothing more than this core 2 DELL laptop that I forgot to give back to my previous employer when I resigned, and a couple of anime figures. Back then, anime figures was all that made me happy, even thought they were bootlegs bought in divisoria.

Then, continuing to look around, I saw this long bamboo sticking out of the window, (reason why I can't close it when needed) this bamboo acted as an extension for the TV antennae downstairs. It was dad and I who put it there.

All rushed back. How he wanted to watch the news everyday saying "news here in the Philippines suck" (somewhat like that) "walang kwenta mga balita dito! umutot nanaman si Sharon Cuneta!" says dad. Of course I would ask him "then why do you keep watching the news everyday?". He would only smile and say, "Says in the bible to be watchful of current events. Since we don't have cable TV, you just have to learn to read between the lines."

But before that, I would remember him, borrowing a wheel barrow just so he could take that "once-too-many-times  defective 2000php surplus TV" to the technician to have it fixed, He would put the Tv on the cart and walk to phase 1 every time the Tv didnt work. And just like the pathetic loser I am and was, didn't even lend a helping hand.

I also remember him having no money at all but just suddenly one day, he was able to buy a TV antennae. Now that antennae is still standing, sticking out the window through that long bamboo, while your Tv downstairs, as usual is no longer working.

I miss you so much dad.

I remember you would always try to wait for your turn (ever so seldom) to use the internet that I always use every night.

I remember you would wait for that video to load on youtube, regardless of how slow the buffering took.

If only you were here now. Now im looking at my 32 inch LED tv with cnn and god knows how many other news channels in there but no one watches it here, how much you would have appreciated it. The 3mbps continuous youtube stream, now only used for pathetic movie trailers and other nonsense crap.

I wish you were here dad. I wish I treated you better. Loved you more. Talked to you more. Supported you more.

Now you are just downstairs in an urn, beside your books, still i never fail to look at you and remember you everyday. And when no one is around, I even talk to you and greet you verbally. Ironic, because when you were still here, Id wished you would go to sleep already cause I cant smoke when you're around.

I wish I could send this message to everyone who forsakes their dads or mums, someday you will feel the same as I do if you don't change now. I learned that if there is a chance to do something, do it TODAY.

Make the most out of everyday, love your love ones more and more each day. Kiss them, hug them, show them that you care, TODAY and everyday.

People who are alive feel that they live forever. But they don't. And everyone will die. It's just a matter of time. Don't be stupid enough to be too late to realize that.

I LOVE YOU DAD. and I MISS YOU. Everyday.