For My Baby

In my previous blogs, I always upload pictures of material things that I might wanna have if given the chance to walk this life to be successful and rich. As selfish and as miserable I may seem, on top of all those things is my urge to give my family and even more, to my baby.

I have been so miserable this past year because I lost my job in Teleperformance last January because of some ass-licking motherf*ckers (I used to call colleagues) can't get it if I can't talk their talk or eat what they eat.

Ever since, we had no money, I sold my guitar, we borrowed money from everyone, sometimes we had nothing to eat, I sold my one and only TV, My baby had to stop from graduate school, we wont be able to help her families financially, some of the members of her family eventually lost respect in me, I couldnt attend interview, or even if I could, I couldn't submit pre-employment requirements, amongst many other awful things.

Often times, I would go on a rage because of all of this, and who'd be there to absorb all of my crap? No one else but her. And as seen in my past blogs, my anger and frustration about everything. I would say that this is the darkest time of my life (so far).

But still, she has always been understanding. The most understanding person of all. Who has always been beside me all this time, and always will be. And after the anger and the shouting, she would still be here, holding me, telling me how much she loves me. After realize after calming down that the true reason of my rage is that I love her so much too and it drives me crazy to think that I can't give her what she deserves. I can't give her simple trips to Anawangin, or even a simple TLC burger from Jollibee. And it drives me crazy. And knowing that is always here, to love me unconditionally as she has always have, just creates a cycle of fear, anger and frustration. Fear of the possibility that I might never rise above all of this before my dream of her is over. Frustrated of the number of times I tried so hard to get a job that would at least give us a little bit allowance for a trip to Jollibee every payday.

She is still here, holding me, telling me everything will be alright. I love her. So much. And I would like to take this short sane opportunity to write the things that I really feel about us, before the rage and the anger comes back.

Then why don't I upload pictures of things that I want my baby to have? Its because I can't find the best pictures in Google to fit what I really want her to have. And if I were to lower my standards down a bit to the things I would normally see, it would be an endless stream of uploads, too much for Blogger's servers to handle.

I love you so much baby. Just wait. Just a little more. We can do this.

Happy 38th Monthsary Baby.