Tsk..

Huh.. Just came back from walking my girlfriend to trike terminal. I'm quite bothered though.

This helpless feeling of parting ways knowing that you have so much to say but all that comes out are words that she wants to hear, not the things that you really feel.

Why?

Well, there are times in a relationship when you trust each other so much to know what each other would do under certain circumstances. Its like when both of you are saving money, you expect each other to be thrifty and smart in spending money. It has to go without saying that if someone flirts with anyone of us, one must know not to entertain further. And sometimes when you want to have sex so bad. You really can't beg for sex, right. Or else it wont feel great. If that is the case, I would say it would be better to jerk off alone.

The case is not really about flirting or sex, or jerking off. Why is it so much to say the things that we really want to say? Maybe in my case this time, I want her to make the initiative to know it on her own.

She has been in this new job for almost a month now. Everyday she tells me, she wants to quit. Her colleagues are assholes and have this feeling of authority over newbies. They don't help or answer whenever she asks. I said it's like that typical hampas lupa type of environment where in employees with entry level jobs have been doing the same shit over and over again (and never getting promoted) that they feel like a god that whenever they get to see a newbie. I think just like in factories, and this case, this "call center" (that she's in) is just like one.
We chat via Live messenger every night, and all that I hear is:
"I wanna go home..."
"I can't take it anymore..."
"Puta talaga mga tao dito kapag tinatanong..."
Amongst lotsa negative things.

But this past few days, after her first pay, I was shocked to know that she will be going to this team get together thing at DAMPA, a well known paluto restaurant thing when you work in call centers (I mean, its like in the call center country, the only thing they know is DAMPA and PANSOL, when you can go to so many other places in the Philippines. Well, I can't blame them, I think it is better to think of where it is cheap and economical because agents in most call centers don't earn that much anyway - compared to those call center agents who think they earn so much [compared to working for Jollibee] that they even go to Boracay and have such nice PDAs but not having enough money to survive till the next payday.) located on Macapagal Ave., near MOA. She asked me if she can go when she already made a commitment. Well, even if I thought she didn't want it there, and her colleagues suck, and that she was just there for the money, and that she wants to go home the second she turns her monitor ON. On the other hand, I thought it was great, finally opening a door of opportunities for her to bond with the "Gods of the Floor". Confused, I said, "Ok. I mean, it's up to you, if you really think it's ok for you to be there, but it's a good thing, you bonding with them." As soon as she got home, I asked her how it was. She answered with great comments, and how it shines on her face, I know it went well. But the next working day, before going to work, I heard the same whines, the same complains, same in chat. So what could be more confusing than that? I try to understand her with every ounce of good faith that I have, every inch of understanding a fiance can give.

But this morning, she said asked me if she can go to their team building tomorrow. Swimming somewhere in Molino. I didn't know what to say, so I said the usual thing, "It's up to you, ikaw bahala." Then she went ahead, choosing from different bathing suits, (2-piece swimsuits) which is quite weird because for all I know, the team building wasn't gonna be in Boracay or Puerto Gallera. (and I think she knows I don't want her to wear those).

Right now, I don't know. But I care. This feeling sucks. I have been working for years as a Trainer and it has been always part of my job to influence people to buy what you say, changing their behavior, for the better. But it's different when you are the one in the picture.