TRADITION

tradition

a few hours after coming home from another epic fail from goFluent, it was time for my fiance to go to work. she dropped by the house just like her normal routine, saying, "tara na bhear.." in her tired and bored mode as usual.

walking to the trike, she said she wanted the best rest she could have for tomorrow. she said she wanted to go to the hotel we always go to rest, and she was joking about going there alone. kinda like her way of saying, "cmon, lets go there tomorrow night".

there goes her pity again, i know. If she just wants to take a nice rest, she can spend 2 whole days in her air-conditioned room and sleep for 48 hours. so I asked her "why not just sleep for 48 hours in your Ac'd room? She replied "coz I wanna be with you". So I said "ok, then sleep first thing when you get home tomorrow, then when you wake up, call me so we can be together. There's no need for us to go to the hotel." So she said, "ok".

I know she's considering some private time for the two of us. And I appreciate that. However, our private time only happens in the hotel and very very seldom, at home. Even if we were the last two people left on earth, she will always be a-sexual. and besides, i already know what's gonna happen from the moment we check in. First, she's gonna turn the TV on and roll on the bed. next, she'll tell me to give her a full body massage which i will do anyway for an hour or more. Then lastly, she's asleep. The next day, because of some stroke of guilt, 45mins before we check out, she's gonna wake up, take a bath, then the "not-so-magic" happens. When she does that, I feel like our love making is a chore that she HAS TO DO.

That's why every time I watch a movie or TV and see a couple who's really into each other and seriously hot for each other,.. a couple who grab each other and kiss passionately as soon as they open the door, breaking everything in their path... I can't help but be amazed. I drool. Literally.

I have always been so attracted to my fiance. I'm always hot for her, always turned on. And everyday, regardless if we are alone or not, I show it to her. However, I feel like i am just a big chore for her. What we do in the hotel is not because she wants to. Not because she is attracted to me and that she misses me in that kind of way, but because for her, it is just a tradition.

My dad always said "most Catholics do not know the reason behind the holidays they observe. for example, Halloween. they do not know the origin of it, and they do not ask. they just do it because it's TRADITION.".